You know the kind of guy who does nothing but bad things and then wonders why his life sucks? Well, that was me: every time something good happened to me, something bad was always waitin' around the corner. Karma. That's when I realized I had to change. So, I made a list of everything bad I've ever done, and one by one I'm gonna make up for all my mistakes. I'm just tryin' to be a better person. My name is Earl.

You know the kind of guy who likes hanging out with his brother, watching cartoons and also likes to touch things with his tongue. Well, that's me. I'm also the kind of guy who likes hanging out with his brother and watching cartoons...oh wait, I already said that. I also hold the Camden County record for staring at the sun...my name is Randy.


You know the kind of woman who could've been the next Faith Hill, but somewhere along the way discovered peach daiquiri, put a diaphragm in on her own, and wound up smack dab in the middle of trailer hell raising two kids? Yep, she still manages to look hot and you can bounce a quarter off her butt cause you gotta take of yourself. I mean, come on. Anyway, that's me. My name is Joy.

You know the kind of guy who graduated college at 14, is a virtuoso cellist, and can identify 254 varieties of cheese in a blind taste test, but can't reveal any of that because he's in the witness protection program? Well, that's me. Don't tell anyone I told you this. My name is...well, you just better call me Crabman.

You know the kind of woman who seems like the quiet librarian, but when she removes her pencil and lets her hair fall down, she looks all wild and sexy? I wish that was me. My name is Dotty.


Me Llamo Earl, Episodio: Tesoro Enterrado.